In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
