Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
