Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize