If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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