i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
