who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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