i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
