if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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