is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She bit a glass in half.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
