I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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