Can i not drive my cunt home
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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