so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
