why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
