WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
