Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
