I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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