So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
