Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
