before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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