I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
