are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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