I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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