god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
