Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
