She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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