I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
