My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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