Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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