After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize