yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
