My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
