so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
