please come you make the beer taste better
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
