I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
