My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
