Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
