I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
