apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
