He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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