smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
