glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
