Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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