I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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