Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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