he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
