I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
