If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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