I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
