someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
