addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
