My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
