I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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