Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
