wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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