Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
