I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
