living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
