i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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