No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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