Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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