So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
