did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
