Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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