Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize