theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
