I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
