ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
smell my finger.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
