32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
