Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
